


Diplomatic Reasons

by QueenUndertheBloodyMountain



Series: His Just Desserts [5]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Battle of Five Armies - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Everybody Lives, F/M, Implied Violence, Mild Language, Post-Battle of Five Armies, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 23:37:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5721337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenUndertheBloodyMountain/pseuds/QueenUndertheBloodyMountain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Thranduil is a little shit, Thorin pretty much flips him off in ancient dwarvish, and the reader doesn't kill the Elven King for his behavior. Bilbo is not amused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Diplomatic Reasons

“How he could act so foolishly at his age is beyond me!” Bilbo ranted, stomping around the room in a huff. “Such behavior is unbefitting of a King!

“And aren’t you going to add to this?” He snapped at you, turning on his heel with his hands on his hips, “He is _your_ husband after all!”

“You’ll have no aid from me my friend,” you replied, turning a page in your book, feet propped up onto the table as you lounged casually in your seat, “I harbor no love for that tree-shagger; if Thorin hadn’t acted as such and diverted the attention to himself, I was a hairs breadth away from putting a dagger into that elven bastard’s shoulder. And then where would our diplomatic situation lie?”

“Ugh! Damn you confounded dwarves! If it’s not one diplomatic nightmare, it’s another!”

The halfling turned on his heel again and stormed out of the room, nearly knocking over a surprised Balin in the process. The royal advisor turned to you, a small, sad smile playing across his features.

“Master Baggins is in a state over the way negotiations with Mirkwood went this morning, I take it?”

“Hit the nail on the head my friend,” you sighed, closing your book, laying it onto the table. “The alliances between both ourselves and our elven neighbors are as stable as they’re ever going to be I’m afraid. Thorin signing a few inappropriate words in Iglishmêk towards that elven tart is about as effective as flicking a pebble at our Mountain gates. Thranduil will get over his being insulted and everything will go back to business as usual. It really _is_ a relief I didn’t kill the pointy-eared-fuck today; would have thrown all Thorin’s hard work right under a raging oliphant.”

“You don’t seem to ever have issues with our allies from Rivendell, or Lothlórien for that matter?” Balin questioned, bushy eyebrows raised in intrigue.

“Well, not only do our other elven allies have more tact than our Mirkwood ones; they also aren’t as uncouth to insult an allied King straight to his face in his own court, let alone his own kingdom.”

“This is quite true my Queen; how then, do you wish we proceed?”

“Well, I believe we eliminate the problem altogether. Have the advisors be the go-betweens for both leaders, and keep me as far away from the bastards as possible. Or at least from hearing distance of their verbal tripe.”

“Of course your highness,” Balin smiled, turning to deliver the news to the elven advisory council, as well as the King Under the Mountain himself.

“Oh and Balin?” You called, catching his attention once more, “Keep Fíli and Kíli away from our guests as well; Mahal knows the last thing we need is an arrow or an axe in Thranduil’s back while he’s here with us.”

Balin chuckled, “Of course my lady, good day.”

“Pompous elven bastard…” You muttered to yourself, picking up your book once more.

**~FIN~**


End file.
